I know it’s hard for you. Okay. Actually, I don’t. I have no idea what it’s like to not feel in control of your emotions, your thoughts. Whatever emotional roller coaster I’ve been on eventually stops … and I’m able to get out and stand on the platform. And I can quiet my thoughts with meditation or music or breathing.
You can’t. You’re on a roller coaster that just keeps going, and you wind through loops, and endure the spins, and hold on for the turns, and you do it endlessly. Is it any wonder you grab at control wherever you can? Or that you feel irritable, and sad, and anxious?
It’s beyond frustrating for me. I’m your mother. And I KNOW that what you’re going through is not a matter of willpower. Or lack of discipline. Or choosing not to be in control. And I still … I still … get angry with you. Impatient. And weary. So, so weary.
I cannot imagine how it must be for you, to live in that itchy skin, to be attacked by your own mind, your own emotions, to be in a world that you did not create and cannot make sense of … I cannot know, babe.
My heart breaks for you.
I am not soft on you. You do not get a pass. ADHD. Bi-polar. Puberty. It’s a tough load to bear, but you have to endure. You have to march forward and keep going no matter how dark it gets, how thorny the brambles of your thoughts, how muddy the path becomes.
You can do it.
You are smart. And funny. And handsome. And strong. And heartfelt. And kind. Oh, yes. You are, my darling, so very, very kind. It’s a wonderful quality, especially for someone who doesn’t receive much kindness from others.
I know it’s difficult for you to make friends. I know you struggle in school. I know you want to be normal. Let me just say this: There is no normal. There is mundane. There is boring. There is everyday ho-hum.
You are not normal. You are extraordinary. The world you see is different, the way you think is different, the way you are is different. It gives you opportunities and challenges and adventures that no one else can have … because they are not you.
Right now, we are doing all that we can to ensure your functionality in this world. And even as you learn to cope, to focus, to better your manners, to connect more effectively with others, please know that…
…you are wonderful.
…you are worthwhile.
…you are loved.